“Mediation”
Family Mediation
For many people mediation is untraveled territory. Some have heard about it but don’t really know what it means, while others never even knew there was such an option. Either way, everyone has questions.
The following information will give you a good look into the family mediation process. After reading through the information, if you have additional questions please feel free to contact Mark Hopson at 703.865.7262
“What Do I need To Know?”
What exactly happens during mediation?
How can the “win-win” scenario can work in family mediation?
What if everyone is locked into their own position? Can mediation work?
What if there is a history of abuse in the family relationship? Can we still mediate?
If I agree to mediation am I bound by anything?
Do I need to work things out with the other party before coming to mediation?
Will the mediator tell us who is right and who is wrong? Will they tell us what is fair?
Do I have to meet in the same room with the other party(s)?
Can additional parties (i.e. children, attorney, etc.) participate in the mediation?
Do I still need an attorney if we use mediation? Can the mediator give legal advice?
Who are the mediators?
How much does family mediation cost?
When do the mediations take place?
How long is each mediation session?
How many sessions will we need?
How often do we have to meet?
Where will our sessions be held?
How do I Get Started?
What exactly happens during mediation? 
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There are generally six steps in the mediation process:
Step One:The mediators meet with everyone to go over the principles of mediation; stress their roles as impartial facilitators; discuss any ground rules for the mediation; answer any questions; and go over the agreement to mediate. During the course of the mediation, the mediators may meet with each party separately. This separate meeting is referred to as a caucus.
Step Two: The mediators will ask each person to share exactly what brings them to the mediation table (i.e. some history, what you are looking to achieve and what is the current situation). This is your opportunity to tell your story without interruption. Before moving on to the next step, the mediators will want to make sure they have correctly heard all that you have said. Therefore, they may ask you some questions, repeat what they believe you have said and ask you to confirm or correct their understanding.
Step Three: The mediators will use the information you have given them to identify the issues that need to be decided. They will identify the important considerations you have in making those decisions and some of the areas of agreement they have discovered while listening to each person tell their story.
Step Four: The mediators will ask you to discuss some of the options you feel will resolve each issue. This is a brainstorming session - so feel free to propose ideas and solutions that you might not even agree to. This will help to get all possible options on the table.
Step Five: The mediators will help you to put these ideas and possible solutions into proposals. They will facilitate the process as you work through any problems and/or objections.
Step Six: The mediators will take the proposals you have agreed to and begin the process of writing them up into your agreement. They will present you with a draft for review before finalizing the agreement.
I don’t understand how the “win-win” can work in a family mediation scenario?
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Here is an example of a custody dispute:
Mom wants custody so she can send the son to private school where he will get a good education. Dad insists on custody because he wants to make sure the child stays in his current public school where he has his friends and can continue in a good social environment in his neighborhood. When posed as a custody issue, there is a direct win-lose conflict. When posed as a public school-private school issue there is a direct win-lose conflict. But when mom and dad look at the real, underlying, need, interest, value or goal, they find that mom values an excellent education and dad values providing an excellent social environment. These values are not at all in conflict. If mom and dad can understand and respect the values of one another, they may be able to identify a way to provide both an excellent education and an excellent social environment and community for their son.
What if everyone is locked into their own position? Can mediation work?
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Yes, mediation can still work. The mediators will ask you to look closely at your needs, interests, values and goals, rather than your positions. They will assist you in looking at options that might meet those needs, interests, values and goals and be agreeable to everyone.
What if there is a history of abuse in the family relationship? Can we still mediate?
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Yes. A history of abuse (physically, emotionally, or verbally) is an important consideration for mediation. The first step to determine whether or not mediation is appropriate in your case would be to discuss the issue with the family mediation program director. What you say will remain confidential (except for indications of unreported child abuse or threats of immediate or future harm) and none of the information given will be used to make any judgments. The information will be used to insure that the director and the mediators will be able to make the mediation a safe place to discuss all the issues and support your efforts to reach a mutually acceptable agreement.
If I agree to mediation am I bound by anything?
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No. You are not agreeing to anything other than being open to come to the table and attempt to find a solution. Mediation is a voluntary process. If you feel that your interests are not being served, or that the discussions are not productive, you are free to terminate the process at any time.
Do I need to work things out with the other party before coming to mediation?
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No. The purpose of mediation is to help everyone reach a solution that works. We are here to help when you aren’t able to work it out.
Will the mediator tell us who is right and who is wrong? Will they tell us what is fair?
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No. Mediators will not evaluate what is fair or typical. They will not make any decisions or issue any judgments about the merits of the various positions. Mediators are facilitators. They help each party to focus on their individual needs, interests, values and goals and identify outcomes they feel would most closely meet those needs. Learning in detail about each other’s needs, interests, values and goals will enable you craft proposals that everyone can feel is fair.
Do I have to meet in the same room with the other party(s)?
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Yes. Mediation works best when everyone can be in the mediation room. This gives each person an opportunity to hear what everyone feels is important and what they need to say “yes” to an agreement. Also, agreements work best when everyone has taken advantage of face to face meetings to work out the details and judge for themselves the other’s commitment to abiding by the agreement.
There are specific exceptions to this policy: existing protective orders, existing restraining orders, a history of violence or other conflict, or extreme circumstances where the mediators deem separate meetings necessary.
Can additional parties (i.e. children, attorney, etc.) participate in the mediation?
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Because mediation is a process to help you make decisions, it works best when the principles are the only parties at the table. However, when a request is made to include an additional person(s), the mediators treat the request as an issue for discussion. They will ask you to discuss what role the other party or parties would play in the mediation. If all of the principles and the mediators agree on the presence of the additional person(s), they will be allowed to participate.
Do I still need an attorney if we use mediation? Can the mediator give legal advice?
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You are not required to have an attorney if you are using mediation. However, we strongly encourage you to consider using an attorney for three main purposes: 1. to consult with regarding any legal questions you may have; 2. to review any agreements that result from the mediation; and 3. to help you with any legal processes you have to complete once your mediation is finished (i.e. final divorce order, custody order, child support order, or any other family dispute that has a case pending in the courts).
Can I handle the legal processes on my own?
.When dealing with financial issues, support orders, custody matters, etc. there are many legal ramifications. Therefore, using an attorney to handle the court process is highly recommended. Although you have a right to represent yourself and process your own case through the system, this is very complicated and not recommended. Court personnel will offer you all the assistance they can, but they are restricted from any assistance that would equate to offering legal advice. For information on handling the legal process on your own please click here “Pro Se Divorce”
Legal Advice vs. Legal Information.
.Your mediators will be able to provide you with legal information regarding state laws, court procedures, where to get forms, etc. However, your mediators - even if they are attorneys - are not allowed to offer legal advice. Legal advice would include such things as interpreting statutes, applying the law to a particular fact situation, or advising about likely court outcomes.
Who are the mediators?
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Our mediators come from the Northern Virginia community. In addition to their mediation training and experience, they each bring additional skills to the table. Our mediators include lawyers, therapists, teachers, consultants, business people, and retired professionals. Each of our family mediators must complete specific course requirements and be certified by the Supreme Court of Virginia.
How much does family mediation cost?
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We make every attempt to make mediation affordable for everyone. There are specific criteria that are used to help to determine your fee. Your fee will be assessed once you complete the initial intake form see “How to Get Started”. If you would like this information before completing the form, please contact the office to find out the specific fee for your case.
When do the mediations take place?
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Mediations are scheduled as follows:
Monday – Thursday 10am – 7pm
Friday 10am – 3pm
Saturday 10am – 4pm (as available)
How long is each mediation session?
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Family mediation sessions are scheduled in 2 hour blocks. Exceptions can be made when there are special circumstances.
How many sessions will we need?
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Every case is unique. The number of sessions you require depends on multiple factors. On average a family case can range from 3-6 sessions.
How often do we have to meet?
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Your meeting schedule is set by you and your mediators. There is no required meeting schedule.
Where will our sessions be held?
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Generally, family mediation sessions are held at our offices at 4260 Chain Bridge Road, Suite A-2, Fairfax, VA. We are also able to offer services in Manassas, Great Falls, and Arlington.